This past few months have been tumultuous. Two of my best friends, friends that I came to associate with the D.C. area, moved away. The natures of two of my other close friendships have changed into something far more distant. My mother and my brother were both hospitalized for unrelated reasons (thankfully, they are both are ok, now). I came back from India to find friends sick. I seemed unable to quell the loneliness I felt living by myself after being with family all day and night for three weeks. Then this week my yoga studio closed. I never stuck with any one thing for very long before starting at this studio but it was the teachers and the community that made hooked me. Yoga at this sacred space changed my life. But this too has ended.
I can’t say I weathered these changes with ease. But I have, more or less, come into peace. I’ve begun to let go of expecting this day, this hour, to be the same as the last. I’ve begun to let go of trying to force situations or relationships to stay the same. I’ve begun to let go of looking to others to validate me. In doing so, I’ve loosened the clinging of my ego. And while I can’t say I’m embracing unwanted change, I’m beginning to see the wisdom in it. The opportunity for growth. The falling away of the old to unearth fertile ground for the new. I see that what I thought was negative might be just what I needed.
Quick case in point: While my mother was in the hospital, we took shifts to keep her company. One night, my brother, my father and I found ourselves in her room at the same time. She was particularly cranky, signifying her entry back to good health. In an effort to cheer her up, we began telling her stories. Without television, phones, chores or anything else to do, we were all present and engaged. The four of us spent the night truly enjoying each other’s company. We talked but we also listened and in listening, learned new things about one another. For the first time in a long time, we felt like a unit. A family.