I Can’t Fight this Feeling

8 Nov

Originally posted on Follow Your Bliss Austin:

I’ve been thinking a lot about discomfort. It’s not something we discuss much but we all feel it. Whether it be from the chill in the air when we’re still wearing our summer clothes or the pain of heartache or just a sticky, dark feeling within us that something is not right. Whatever it is, we don’t like it and we want it to go away. While there is strength in helping yourself out of discomfort, but far too often we just push it away however we can. We run from it. We distract ourselves. We try to talk ourselves out of it. We attempt to take control of that which we cannot. We try to do something, anything, not to feel it.

My history with discomfort has taken all forms. I’ve all but cut myself off at the neck not to experience it. So much so that when I…

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My Intro Version

25 Oct

Originally posted on Follow Your Bliss Austin:

October has been a busy month for me. Music festivals, trips, classes, friends, family, Diwali…all good things. This weekend was the first time I got a chance to catch my breath. Spend some time alone. Come home to myself. Restore.

Those who don’t know me that well are surprised to hear that I’m an introvert. I love socializing. I enjoy connecting with others. I feel comfortable striking up conversations with strangers. I am pretty talkative and I love to listen. I find people fascinating. This doesn’t mean I’m extroverted.

I’ve learned that I need a considerable time alone. To shed the psychic energy of those around me and remind myself of who I am. I easily pick up on the moods and personalities which is usually a wonderful thing. But often, I lose the sense of where I begin and end. I am at a party or at a concert…

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Supermom

4 Oct

Originally posted on Follow Your Bliss Austin:

A friend asked a question on Facebook “Who is your favorite female superhero?” My response “My mother. But she paid me to write that.” Slightly cheeky, but also true (the first part…my mother has yet to monetarily compensate me for a mention in any public forum). My mom is, indeed, a superhero.

Like most superheroes, she never asked to be one. She faced head on the grief and guilt of losing both her parents at a relatively young age while raising her family on the other side of the world. She single-handedly dealt with some of her son’s worst schizophrenic delusions. Cradling him while he cried helplessly for hours. Talking him away from a second story window. Taking him back to the hospital. She did her best to shield her 13-year-old daughter from the brunt of it, so the girl could try to acclimate to a new school and live…

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Hope Fully

20 Sep

Originally posted on Follow Your Bliss Austin:

What word comes up when you think of your heart? This was a question asked in my Yin Yoga intensive, last night. Blossoming, love, courage, strength . Fear, vulnerability, ache, falling. Hope. Hope was the word my mind zoomed in on. And right behind it came a feeling of sadness.

I have a hard time with hope.

I’ve always had a wild imagination. Creating possibilities and worlds in my head comes easily and frequently. Fantasyland. When I was young, I had a hard time seeing the world for what it was (I still often do). My mind would rather spin a story. Back then it often ended with “happily ever after.” I was a brown, skinny kid with two ponytails and glasses. I thought I was a Disney princess. I’d escape into books and beg my parents to send me to a boarding school so I could have adventures like…

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Rain, rain, stay today

13 Sep

Originally posted on Follow Your Bliss Austin:

It’s a rainy day. A rare thing in Austin and not an unwelcome one. Our lakes desperately need the precipitation and I need the downtime. I need

the barometric pressure to weigh me down and fog my mind. I need the chill in the air and slush on the streets to convince me to stay in. I need

dailypayne.com

credit: dailypayne.com

the sound of rain on the roof and water through gutters to soothe my nervous system and lull me into inertia. Not every day, not all the time, but on occasion. The rain reminds me that I need rest.

I was a little late getting to my kick-butt yoga class today due to the rain and when I arrived, the door was firmly closed. Class was in session. I was more than a little annoyed that I missed my awesome bit of Saturday intensity but as I segued into an…

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Achey, breaky, open heart

6 Sep

Originally posted on Follow Your Bliss Austin:

There is not much that compares with having your heart open. Falling in love. Children, animals or family. Yoga. Meditation. When we are present in our bodies and surrounded by beauty it is easy to live in this place of blossoming. A tree with roots deep in the ground, we feel stable. From this stability, we are able to reach up and out, shining our hearts up to the sun.

But what happens when we feel hurt? When we are scared? When life plucks us up from where we stand and tosses us carelessly aside? Every instinct in our beings begs us to curl and tuck and protect our core. We want to stay hidden and protected. We want to lash out. We want to do everything except be open. Not that. That is too painful. Too dangerous.

Our ego may instantly construct thoughts and stories to protect us. Tell…

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Fall, Fall, Fall Again

30 Aug

Originally posted on Follow Your Bliss Austin:

After learning to walk, most kids make awkward attempts to run and fall. They pick themselves up, try again, fall again. Not me. I didn’t want to fall. My mother tells me that I’d be very careful to always have a wall, a chair, a pant leg nearby. Something to lean against in case I started to wobble. This was the story of my life for a long time. I didn’t want to try basketball until I was good at basketball. So I never played basketball. I thought I didn’t have a very good voice, so just didn’t sing. I had lots of great ideas that I never wanted to execute, lest something go awry. My life is littered with projects and disciplines that I abandoned just before I thought they might turn for the worse. Not everything of course, but enough of it to notice a pattern.

Yoga has…

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