Fall, Fall, Fall Again

30 Aug

Originally posted on Follow Your Bliss Austin:

After learning to walk, most kids make awkward attempts to run and fall. They pick themselves up, try again, fall again. Not me. I didn’t want to fall. My mother tells me that I’d be very careful to always have a wall, a chair, a pant leg nearby. Something to lean against in case I started to wobble. This was the story of my life for a long time. I didn’t want to try basketball until I was good at basketball. So I never played basketball. I thought I didn’t have a very good voice, so just didn’t sing. I had lots of great ideas that I never wanted to execute, lest something go awry. My life is littered with projects and disciplines that I abandoned just before I thought they might turn for the worse. Not everything of course, but enough of it to notice a pattern.

Yoga has…

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I think therefore I am

24 Aug

Originally posted on Follow Your Bliss Austin:

I went to a small fundraiser yesterday, in support of the Asian Film Festival held this fall in Austin. It was a family friendly event held in the backyard of Zhi Tea. There was a food truck, donated Indian clothes sale, dance class, henna station and fortune telling tent. It was nearing the end of the event when three of us walked over to this last, interested (and amused) to hear what they had to tell us about our past and future lives.

I was told I was going to live a long life. Longer than my friends, we were bluntly told. I would be pretty steady in my career and had a tendency towards the analytical. She also said I protected my heart and I was often questioned my true feelings. Since my fate and life line didn’t have much overlap, I was greatly in charge of what…

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Pati

23 Aug

Desi Girl:

For my grandmother

Originally posted on Follow Your Bliss Austin:

A year ago today, my grandmother passed away. She was my last grandparent and the only one I really knew. She wasn’t an easy lady. Regimented and extremely particular and fastidious. She was also quite religious and that came with a set of rituals I just didn’t understand. My grandmother’s ways were inconvenient to anyone she lived with, and she lived with my family for quite a time. For a woman who never seemed to feel well, she was incredibly stubborn and headstrong.

Growing up, I was always at odds with her. Respect and language barriers prevented me from ever disagreeing with her directly, but my parents heard a lot about it. I was absolutely affronted that my cousin stopped seeing a guy because my grandmother informed her that their stars weren’t aligned. Seriously? (NOTE: A few years later this cousin did marry a man who is now a multi-millionaire)…

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Five minutes with fear

21 Aug

Originally posted on Follow Your Bliss Austin:

See the fear arise from flicker to flame. Feel it fully in your body. Pull it in. Embrace it. You own this feeling, but it is not you. Breathe in. Breathe out. Now move forward, anyway. In any way.

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Home Again

2 Aug

I’m on my way home to DC to visit my family. There is such a sweetness about a trip back to the closest thing I can call a childhood home. The house and the street I know like my own name. The neighbors who I have seen come and go through the years. Alex, the kid I used to babysit, coming home from college. John, who has bagged groceries for all of my adult life, smiling as always. And, of course, the loving people waiting for me.

My hometown also holds ghosts. None more vivid to me than the ghosts of myself. I see out of my eyes then and I see out of my eyes now. It’s a strange and disconcerting feeling. The freshman doing homework at my kitchen table. The sophomore sneaking out of high school. Walking home and laughing with my best friend. I can feel the excitement of seeing my crush at the mall. The determination running around that school track. The sun and freedom of summer. I remember conversations with friends and family, having no idea what the future would hold. Where it would take me. Yet I had such certainty.

It is true that the older I get, the more I appreciate where I was, who I was. I think about coming home ten years from now. Who I’ll be then. If I’ll be then. Maybe I’ll just enjoy the now.

Just One

27 Jul

Desi Girl:

I had a few friends get into new relationships, lately. Get into new relationships when they are just barely out of (or still “technically” in) old ones. This happens. You meet the love of your life while still tethered to a situation that wasn’t working. But in these cases, the people stayed in their existing relationship until they found a replacement. And when they did, they effortlessly slid from one coupling into another. It’s pretty common practice to do this with jobs, where people literally can’t afford to be without one. But relationships are another thing. As adults, we can in most cases, survive without a romantic partner. We may not like it. We may feel lonely. We may struggle. But we can live. So why do people cling to relationships that aren’t working? Why do we fear being single? Do we really want to spend our lives fixated on that which we don’t have?

This isn’t to dismiss the desire to have a romantic partner and/or a family…it is a very real pain. I feel it in my own life. But can we accept that pain and see the truth? That it is truly possible to thrive, revel and fully enjoy life while being without. That there is so much love in our hearts and in our lives if we choose to recognize and embrace it. Love that isn’t the sole responsibility or focus of just one person.

This goes beyond relationships. There are plenty of partnered people who are also grasping. It may start with a very instinctual need — or love, companionship, family – but morphs into something that can control us. It taps into our need for security. Having something outside ourselves to focus our energy on. If I can just get this. If I can just do that. Something to cling to. Something to save us from ourselves. Attainment won’t quench the thirst, but the seeking can blind us. To what we already have. The small everyday pieces of our lives that deserve deep gratitude and appreciation. The sunlight, the joy.

There is nothing really wrong with any of us. We have challenges. Some great, some small, but we are all deserving of love and acceptance. Especially, our own.

Originally posted on Follow Your Bliss Austin:

I had a few friends get into new relationships, lately. Get into new relationships when they are just barely out (or still “technically”) in old ones. This happens. I know quite a few people who met the love of their life while they were tethered to a situation that wasn’t working. What’s concerning is the sense I get that in least two of these instances the person was staying in their existing relationship until they found a replacement. And when they did, they effortlessly slid from one coupling into another. It’s pretty common practice to do this with jobs, where people literally can’t afford to be without one. But matters of the heart are another thing, altogether. As adults, we can, in most cases, survive without a romantic partner. We may not like it. We may feel lonely. We may struggle. So why do people cling to relationships that aren’t…

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Story Time

12 Jul

Originally posted on Follow Your Bliss Austin:

I often have a hard time with reality. As a child, people called it an “overactive imagination.” I would see magic and intrigue in the most mundane of household objects. I secretly hoped I was adopted because it meant there was a possibility my real parents were sorcerers. I wanted my parents to send me to boarding school so I could have adventures with other kids. Find secret rooms and caves. Stumble upon a world unseen by adults. I firmly believed I would learn to fly at some point. This mind of mine also kept me up at night. In the shadows of my room, lurked the creepy and crawly. Ghosts were outside my window, just waiting for me to close my eyes. I won’t embarrass myself by telling you at what late age I stopped sneaking into my parents’ bedroom so I wouldn’t be alone.

As I grew up…

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