When it comes to impatience, I am my own favorite subject of frustration. I wonder what possesses me to engage in unhelpful behaviors. Why do I worry and agonize so much about the smallest of things, paralyzed to act. And when am I going to get my act together and further myself towards The Plan? What is The Plan, anyway? I’m this old and STILL don’t know? What have I been doing with my life? Hastily, I try to remember what I’ve accomplished but nothing seems to stand out. In this frustrated mode, all I see are the hours I’ve wasted avoiding doing anything at all. I’m a fraud.
But this month, I’ve been spending time reflecting. Slowing down enough to ask myself some important questions about who I am. This has meant looking back to who I was and following the progression forward. Not a quick glance, but a thoughtful examination.
I see how each decade of my life has been impacted by hardships without my control.
I see all the choices I made to cope, recover and take care of myself the best way I knew how.
I see the successes I had dismissed as not being as great as others seem to believe.
I see the fortitude and resolve I have within me.
I see the knowledge, the wisdom and the compassion.
Most of all, I see myself as I am. Light and shadows. A work in progress. Much to give and worthy of getting. A good person deserving of patience, truth and love. Just like everyone else.
Trading in “should”, “need”, and “must” for “can”, “want” and “will”.
A great reminder as we move into this season of renewal.
I just found this wonderful documentary site about great people who rescue animals and the animals who rescue them. I love the photography and presentation that complement the truly touching stories. Why We Rescue
I haven’t read a lot of the Tao Te Ching, but a lot of what I have read has resonated deeply. Here are some that are speaking to me, now.
A violent wind does not last for a whole morning; a sudden rain does not last for the whole day.
Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are.
When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.
Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love.
Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.
This past week, I’ve been thinking about what my 30 day commitment for April will be. A lot of ideas have been floating around but a conversation I had with a friend earlier this week settled it.
She pointed out to me the other day that I’m always on the go, always doing something. There is nothing wrong with this as most of what I do I enjoy quite a bit. But I’m in this Year of Receiving and a big part of that is stepping back and making time to listen. To others, to the universe, but also to myself.
So for April, I’m going to spend time each day playing “getting to know you” with a certain someone named Me. Christine Arylo’s, Choosing Me Before We is a book I’ve had on my e-bookshelf for quite some time and this next month strikes me as the perfect time to “dust” it off and let it serve as a guide in my exploration. There are one or two other books I’ve been meaning to read that I might toss in for fun.
I wonder what do I have to say that I’ve been too busy to hear?